Fear Kept Her Hidden
by TrueLoveNeverDies
Summary: When tragedy breaks down Susan's life in England. She is given a chance to make things right in Narnia, but the fear that the people she loves hate her keeps her away. will she find her way back to them?
1. Chapter 1

This is my first FF story.

English isn't my first language so if there are mistakes i'm sorry.

The story has elements of the books, but it isn't based on it.

**Fear Kept Her Hidden**

Chapter 1

"_Ma'am, I have some bad news. You need to come to Grand Central Trainstation. This morning two trains collided and we found a suitcase with a ticket on it. It said Edmund Pevensie with a phone number. so we called you. Is he related?" _

"_Edmund" came the whisper._

"_Ma'am, I'm sorry." _

Susan ran across the street. The phone conversation still playing over and over in her head. _Edmund. _Her head screamed again.

Her siblings were on their way to professor Kirke. They wanted to.. they were trying to get to.. _no I don't want to say it. I'm not thinking about it again. I'm over it. _She reached the station, but she was stopped by a police man. "Ma'am you need to wait here." Susan looked at him with cold eyes and she ran right past him. "Ma'am!" he yelled after her. She didn't listen, she ran. She ran towards the screams and shouts.

_Edmund. Edmund!_ Her mind kept screaming at her. She turned the corner and she stopped dead in her tracks. She saw the damage. She couldn't move. Men were carrying stretchers with bodies covered with white blankets out of the train wreck. _Edmund! Edmund! _It came again in her head. _If Edmund is.. where are Peter and Lucy. _She couldn't lose all three of them.

_"Peter! Just because some man in a red coat hands you a sword doesn't make you a hero!" _she heard herself scream in her head. She put her hands to her temples _No, No. I need to forget. I can't remember. I can't. _she pictured Lucy in her head. _"I'm sorry Lucy, but it seems as if you'll be going alone after all." _Again she heard her own voice say. _No. No. I forgot. I got over it. I.. I.. NO! _tears blurred her vision.

She walked down the stairs that led towards the damage. It felt to Susan like it were the stairs towards her mental dead. "ma'am, you need to come with me." She looked up at another police man. She let him guide her towards a line. She saw people standing there. Everyone had the same expression on their faces. Hurt. Sorrow. Incompleteness. She got in line. It moved too slow for Susan.

She kept looking at the back of the man in front of her. Visions running through her head. _"that's mine from my chess set." Edmund said, looking at the gold centaur in her hands. "which chess set?" Peter asked. "well, I didn't exactly have a solid gold chess set back in Finchley did I." _Susan blinked her eyes. _"you might need to call me again?!" Lucy sarcastically said behind her. "oh shut up." She said herself. _A tear escaped the corner of her eye.

With all the thoughts about her siblings the part she wanted to forget just came with it. _"to the radiant southern sun I give you Queen Susan the Gentle." _She choked in the tears that were now running freely down her cheeks. "_Dear one. Daughter of Eve. Queen Susan." _The voice came stronger and stronger. _"you need to remember. They're home. You have to find your way home too. We need all our kings and queens. Come home dear one. _Susan felt her knees go weak and she fell to the ground. _Forget! _her mind screamed. _Remember! _That gentle voice came. She was torn. She was broken.

Susan didn't have the strength to take control of her thoughts anymore. _"what happened." Lucy said. Concern visible on her face. "Ask him." Peter bitterly replied, while he pointed towards Caspian with a movement of his head. _Susan felt her heart break even more. _Caspian. _tears dropped from her chin onto the ground. _She stood behind Peter and Caspian. "Peter!" she yelled at her brother. "Me?" Caspian asked confused. "You could have called it off. There was still time. _Susan choked on her tears as she remembered one of the main reasons she wanted to forget about Narnia. The Telmarine King who managed to steal her heart.

Susan heard the man in front of her. "it's hard isn't it miss. I'm sorry for your loss." Susan didn't respond she was once again lost in her thoughts. "_I'm glad I came back." She stood in front of Caspian. "I wish we had more time together." "it would never have worked anyway." "Why not?" he asked confused. "I am thirteen hundred years older than you." she looked at him one more time before she turned around to walk to her siblings. Then she turned around to Caspian once again and she pulled him in for a kiss. He responded right away and she had never felt so complete. They pulled back and he pulled her into an embrace. He buried his face in the crook of her neck. She felt his lips on her shoulder. Planting a soft kiss on it. She inhaled his scent one more time and then they pulled back. She looked into his eyes one last time before going to stand with her siblings. They turned towards the portal to their world and she didn't have the strength to look at Caspian one last time. So she just focused on the back of Peter who walked in front of her. Then she walked through the portal. To England and away from Narnia. NARNIA! _Her head screamed the same word over and over again. she remembered everything. The lamppost in the west to the shining castle where she once ruled as the Gentle Queen. Cair Paravel. She remembered everything that had happened in Narnia. Her first arrival, her rein as queen, the love she found the second time she came to Narnia.

All of a sudden she heard the most beautiful voice. It was the voice of the One she needed the most at that moment. The warmest and most loving one of everyone she had ever known. "Dear one." She looked up through her with tears filled eyes. She saw a shining golden figure. She blinked a few times to make her vision clearer. Then finally she recognized the figure. Aslan. She bowed her head again. she didn't have the courage to look at the Lion. She was scared. She made herself forget everything, even Aslan.

she felt a hot breath on the top of her head. "Daughter of Eve." He said softly. Susan started shaking with fear and sorrow. Tears spilled from her eyes again. "Daughter of Eve." He said again. Susan looked up. She started to cry harder. "You remembered." He said. Susan bowed her head in shame. "but I also forgot." She said. "you didn't forget dear one. You wanted to forget, so you pushed it away. But it's a part of you. Narnia is a part of you. You never forgot, but you wanted to because it hurt to think about it. But that isn't the important part, because you chose to remember again." Susan looked up to Aslan. "Oh Aslan, how can you only see the good thing about this all, instead of the bad thing I have done. I didn't want to know you anymore. How can you not blame me for that." She said tears still falling freely from her eyes. "because you're also a part of me, my dear. I want to see my family save. I don't want to see them hurt. And because you are a part of my family, I want to see you happy. I don't look back on the things you did wrong, but I do hold on to the part where you made it right again." she wrapped her arms around the Lion. "oh Aslan, I have missed you so much." She said while holding on to him like her life depended on it, afraid that he could be gone in a blink.

"Peter, Edmund and Lucy?" she said into His mane. "They continued their rein. But there is one empty throne between them. Queen Susan the Gentle, that throne is the one where you are supposed to sit." She felt so ashamed. She unwrapped her hands from his back. "I'm not worthy of being a queen anymore Aslan." "Susan, once a king or queen of Narnia, always a king or queen of Narnia. That isn't just a saying. It goes for you too." Susan felt so loved. Aslan made her feel less empty. "Aslan, when will I continue my rein between my brothers and sisters?" she asked. "soon dear one. Very soon." With that he breathed on her again.

she closed her eyes at the comforting feeling and when she opened them again she was in a forest. Aslan was gone and she breathed in the fresh air. She felt so much better. She looked to her left en there it was. The lamppost. She knew right away where she was. Narnia. "Narnia. I'm in Narnia." She started to run. She knew exactly where she had to be in that moment. She ran towards east. She ran and ran. She felt exhausted, but she didn't stop running.

When it got dark she stopped running. She got scared. With every noise she heard, she thought anyone could jump out of the bushes and attack her. She realised she had her bow and arrows on her back and she put an arrow on her bow. She looked at the object in her hands and she felt so good. She felt in her place. Images of the battles that went on the last time she was here were playing in her mind.

_The sounds of swords clanging together. The swish of arrows being released from their bow. She was releasing arrows everywhere to strike any enemy who came into her surroundings. She looked to her left and saw Caspian fall into the whole they created earlier. _"Caspian." she said out loud. She was once again scared. How many years have past since I last was here. What happened in the mean time. She needed to get to the castle. She started to run again. she ran and ran. She was out of the forest, she was close to Beruna. She started to run faster, but she twisted her ankle and fell to the ground, her head hitting a stone in the process. After that it went dark.

This is the first chapter. Please review if you liked it or have some advice to make my story better.

Thank you

Even If The One You Love Isn't With You.. **True Love Never Dies!**


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you for the reviews and story alerts

Thank you for the reviews and story alerts.

Here is chapter 2

**Fear Kept Her Hidden**

Chapter 2

"it has been 3 weeks since we found her. Is she ever going to wake up?"

Susan heard a voice say. she felt her head throbbing. It was pouncing. It felt like someone kept hitting her with a rock.

She opened her eyes. Then she immediately closed them again. the light was too bright. She opened them again. her vision was blurred. She blinked a few times. Still feeling her head pouncing. She closed her eyes again and tried to remember what happened.

_The accident. Peter, Edmund, Lucy. They were all gone. _Susan wanted to scream. _Aslan. her return to Narnia._ She opened her eyes again. she suddenly saw clear. She looked at the person standing beside her. "Doctor Cornelius." She said. Her voice was faint and she had trouble saying the words.

The doctor turned his gaze towards her. "Your Majesty, you're awake. Finally, we thought it would never happen. Do you have any idea what happened." The Doctor asked her. "The accident." She said softly. Images running through her head. "Professor how long have I been here?" The doctor looked at her concerned. "maybe you need to go to sleep, Your Majesty, you might feel better after. Then we will discuss everything."

But Susan didn't sleep well at all. she had a dream.

"_You forgot me. I can't believe you wanted to forget about me, about that moment."_

_Caspian looked at her with eyes full of anger and pain. His usually warm eyes, were dull and empty now. _

_She put her hand on his arm._

"_Caspian, I.. I.." she started. Caspian pulled his arm away. "no, you can't just say sorry for what you've done. You can't come up with an explanation for this. You hurt me Susan, you hurt me bad. When you left my heart froze. It didn't give me warmth anymore. Because I got to know you, I even grew to love you and then you were taken away from me. I felt as if I couldn't feel anymore when you left. But when you made the choice to forget about me, you killed me. You killed the love inside me. My frozen heart broke. It broke into thousands pieces of ice. And when your brothers and sisters tried to talk some sense into you, you pushed it away. It felt like you stamped on those pieces of ice, that once was my heart, to make sure that I was completely dead inside. That's what you did to me." _

_Susan felt like dying in that moment. She wanted to say something but Caspian continued his rage. _

"_and you know what, I want to cry right now, because of the pain I'm feeling for saying this to you, but I can't even let those tears go because you tore that emotion from me as well. I have no tears left in me. You broke me, Susan heart and soul, you forgot."_

_Then the image started to fade. Susan could just see his face. He looked at her with disappointment and anger, but even more he looked at her with pain and hurt. _

_The image changed. She saw Peter, Edmund and Lucy walking through the fields near Cair Paravel. They walked up to her. She wanted to hug them and never let go, fearing that they would disappear again. _

_But before she could hug them, Peter started to speak. "well, if it isn't our little sister. I bet you are glad that we had the accident. That way we won't bug you with Narnia anymore. You finally got what you wanted. There is no one who could remind you of Narnia. You can finally forget." _

_Peter looked at her like she was trash, like she was dirt. She was shocked at her brothers words. She wanted to defend herself, but then Edmund began to talk. "So much for being Queen Susan The Gentle. Some kind of Gentleness if you want to forget about the world that named you Gentle in the first place. Wanting to forget the man who showed you gentleness in return. I bet you never really cared about Caspian to begin with. You were just toying with his heart right, just playing with him, to see what he would do if you pretended to love him. That's what you were doing all along right? Did you even care about us? Or were you pretending that as well. Really Gentle of you Queen Susan." He said sarcastically. _

_His words cut her like a knife. "Susan." She heard Lucy's soft voice say. "How could you. How could you forget about all the things we went through here. How could you forget the beauty of Narnia, the talking animals, the fauns, the centaurs, the minotaurs. But above all, how could you ever forget about Aslan. How could you forget Him." Lucy looked at her like she was about to cry. _

Susan screamed and sat straight in her bed. She looked around and saw where she was. She was in the chamber

that used to be hers, back in the Golden Age of Narnia. _They Restored Cair Paraval. _She thought happily.

The door opened and in walked Trufflehunter. "My queen, I'm glad to see you awake. How are you feeling?" he asked. "I feel a little better. Trufflehunter, where is Caspian?" "King Caspian is on a journey to the end of the world with High King Peter, King Edmund and Queen Lucy. They went away with the Dawn Treader 6 months ago. We are expecting them back soon though, but of course we don't really know the length of the journey." Trufflehunter said.

He said something else, but Susan didn't hear him. _They are here. They are save with Caspian. _then she remembered her dream. _They hate me. They hate me for forgetting. Caspian hates me for forgetting him. They can't know I'm here. They will ban me from Narnia. They will want to forget about me too. They will forget me. _

Susan was haunted by her dream. she looked at Trufflehunter. "I have to get out of the castle." She said. "But Your Majesty. Why do you want to go away?" Trufflehunter looked at her confused. "I just have to get out of here. They can't know I'm in Narnia. You can't tell them. Truffle. Please promise me that you won't tell Caspian and my brothers and sister about me being here." Trufflehunter started to stutter. "But.. But.. Queen Susan.." he started. "No, they just can't know Truffle. Promise me. You have to promise me. You have to."

Tears were streaming down her face. Trufflehunter saw the sorrow and hurt. "I.. I.. I promise." He said with a heavy heart. "Good, now tell everyone in the castle that they can't tell anyone about my presence in Narnia. That is an order." She said. "Your wish is my command, my queen." Trufflehunter said with a bow.

Then he turned around and walked out of the door. As soon as the door closed, Susan started to pack some dresses and some other necessities.

She packed some food and a bottle of wine. Then she went looking for a rope. When she found one she climbed down her balcony. She made sure no one was around. Once she was on the ground she put a black cloak around her and she hood over her head making sure that most of her face was hidden.

Susan didn't hear the sounds of horns in the distance. She didn't hear the noises that came from the harbour. She didn't hear the arrival of High King Peter, King Edmund, Queen Lucy and King Caspian. She just knew that she had to get away.

Tell me what you think.

xxx


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Hey, sorry for taking so long with the update, thanks for the reviews! I appreciate it.

Well, here is Chapter 3, Enjoy!!

Chapter 3

Susan began her journey. She travelled to the western woods. The woods that where given to Edmund so long ago. She got as far away from Cair Paravel as possible. So the woods was the best option. She got to a small town. She didn't recognize anyone she saw there and no one seemed to recognize her. So she was safe there. She needed a place to stay and she since she knew that she would be here for a long time, she couldn't stay at the little hotel in town. She saw a small group of men. Susan walked up to them. She made them a deal, that they would build her a house in the forest and they would get paid for it. The men agreed and they started on it right away.

The men worked hard for two weeks. Then the house was finished. It was small but cosy and Susan felt great once she moved in. she knew that this was a perfect house for her. The first couple of days she felt a little lonely. She had always lived together with her siblings and now she was all alone. But she knew that this was her only option. She could never return to the castle and she would never be reunited with the people she loves.

"Make way for High King Peter, King Edmund and Queen Lucy!" Peter heard a man yell. The sentence didn't seem right. It was missing a big part. And because of that, it meant nothing at all. If Susan was here as well, and her name was being called along with theirs, then it would be complete. They would ride into the town together. all four of them. They would smile and wave at the forming crowd. Now they would still wave and smile at the people, but with a sadness in their hearts. It would seem like a happy royal visit. But it would be one big show. Because deep in royal hearts it was just another reminder of their missing sister.

Lucy watched as everyone came from their houses to see them coming in to town. She always felt a little uncomfortable when people were watching her every move. She always thought that she would make a mistake or fall of her horse. It had never happened, the fear was always there. Susan would say to her that she just had to be calm and focussed on her riding, instead of everyone around. Susan had the same problem. So they would talk to each other to take their minds of the intense staring. Now Lucy didn't have Susan to talk her out of her trouble. Susan wasn't here and she was. She got an idea. She stepped of her horse. She took the reigns in her hand and walked towards a small girl in the arms of her mother. "hello there, what's your name." the little girl looked at her with shy eyes. "my name is Susie, Your Majesty." She said. "that is a beautiful name. I have a sister who's name is Susan. That is almost the same as Susie." Susie's eyes started to widen. "really, Queen Lucy, where is your sister? Isn't she with you?" Lucy felt her heart ache. "No little one, she isn't with us today. I hope she will be soon though." she ruffled Susie's hair. "it was nice to meet you Susie." "Bye Queen Lucy."

Lucy walked on and looked around her. Next to her a voice said. "be calm and focus on your riding." Lucy gasped. _Susan! _ She immediately turned her head to look for her sister. She saw so many people, but her sister wasn't amongst them. She sighed, put on a smile and walked on.

The minute Susan heard that her brothers and sister where in town, she panicked. It had been 3 weeks since she had moved into the town and this was the first time the royals came to visit. She walked into the forming crowd, pushing her way into the front line. She let her hair fall over her face and looked down a little. That way it was harder to recognize her. When she finally saw her siblings riding into town, she felt jealous. She had to be there with them. She was supposed to be there on a horse. Smiling at the crowd and talking to Lucy, to forget about all the attention. Now she was watching from the sidelines. She watched her siblings having the lifestyle, she once had with them. Lucy got off her horse. Susan saw her coming closer. She started to freak out. She turned her head a little so Lucy would see the side of her face. Susan followed her sisters moves. she walked to the little girl 2 metres away from her. She saw her sister interact with the small shy girl. Susan smiled, she realised that she wasn't looking at Lucy Pevensie from England, but she was looking at Queen Lucy the Valiant from Narnia. Lucy slowly walked past her and Susan couldn't resist to say: "be calm and focus on your riding." She used to say that to Lucy, when she was nervous about all the attention focused on her. The moment she said it, she turned around and walked away. She put on the hood of her cloak and walked towards her house.

"Susan!" she heard a voice yell. She immediately stopped when she recognized the voice. She turned around and she was standing face to face with her best friend Carlina. She had been here for 3 weeks and instantly became friends with the girl. They were about the same age and Carlina had been the best friend she could have wished for. She trusted Carlina with everything. She also trusted her with her secret. She told Carlina about her love for Caspian, her pain for leaving him and Narnia behind to return to England, she told her about her desire to forget about Narnia and everything around it, the accident, and she told Carlina about her return to Narnia and about her escape from the castle. Carlina asked her about the reason she didn't want her siblings to know she was in Narnia, but Susan never told Carlina about her dream. it was to painful to talk about the nightmare she had, still it haunted her every single night. She always dreamed the same dream. she woke up every morning crying and sweating and Susan could do nothing to stop it. She shook the thought away. "Are you still coming to my birthday party tonight?" Carlina asked her. "Of course I wouldn't want to miss it for the world." Susan replied. "You know Su, it must have been hard on you, watching your brothers and sister coming into town without you by their side. And if you ever want to talk about it, you know you can come to me, right." "Yes, Carly I know, thank you." Susan hugged her friend. "But now something else. Why didn't you tell me that your brother is so gorgeous." Carlina said with a dreamy look on her face. "Carlina! You did not just say that." "Oh yes I did. His Majesty, High King Peter looks Magnificent." She said with a playful smile. "this is getting disturbing. My best friend and my brother. I'm going home now. See you tonight." With that Susan walked away. She didn't walk home straight away. She wondered through the forest a little. She heard a noise and quickly hid behind a bush.

She carefully looked around if she saw anyone. Again she heard noises. She followed it and stood behind a tree, when she got close. She glanced past the tree and gasped. _Caspian. there he is, finally I can see him again. finally I can look at his face. I can see the way his hair slightly falls over his eyes. _Susan had to restrain herself from running to him and jumping in his arms. _I have to go. If he sees me, all will be over. He will ban me from Narnia. Or even worse. He will have me executed. No, Caspian wouldn't do that. but I can't have him hating me. that would be the worst of all. _Susan turned around to silently get away, but she stepped on a twig. She panicked and did the only thing that came up in her mind. She ran.

Caspian was sitting in the forest. He needed some time to think. He was holding the horn his love left when she left Narnia. When Peter, Edmund and Lucy stumbled into the throne room he was shocked. Because Aslan specifically said that Peter wouldn't come back. He remembered looking at the door in hopes that Susan would come walking in gracefully like the queen he knew. But she never did. Peter, Edmund and Lucy told him their story. They were in a train accident. When the trains collided, everything went black. After that they were some place they didn't know with Aslan standing in front of them. They told him about how Aslan told them that they were going back to Narnia because they had died in their world. They asked Aslan about Susan, but the Lion said that he wasn't going to tell them the story of others. Then they stumbled into the throne room. They also told Caspian about Susan's situation before the accident. Susan had changed after they came back from Narnia the last time. She never wanted to talk about Narnia any more and she started going to parties and coming home late and she was always worried about how she looked. Then they told Caspian that after a while when Lucy asked Susan about Narnia, Susan said that it was a kids game they used to play, that it was just their imagination. That it wasn't real and that they were just pretending. When Caspian heard that his heart broke. Then Lucy told him that Susan screamed his name once when she was asleep. When Lucy confronted Susan with it, Susan denied it of course. But it happened more then once, so it gave Lucy hope that Susan hadn't really forgot about Narnia. _She wanted to forget about me though. _a little voice inside his head said. _But she didn't forget! _another voice said. _I should hate her for trying though._ this battle went on in his head for days and days. It had been 10 months since the 3 siblings came to Narnia, and still no sign of Susan. _I could never hate Susan. Even if she forgot about me, about us, about our kiss. I will always love Queen Susan the Gentle of Narnia. I just hope that one day she will choose to remember me again. so that if she ever comes here, I would be able to see her again. maybe I can never be with her, just to see her and even be around her is what I ask for. _Suddenly he heard a noise. It was the snap of a twig. "who's there." He said with a stern voice. His hand went to his sword. He heard someone running away. He got up and looked into the forest. He saw someone with dark curled hair and a crimson red dress run away. The woman reminded him of..

"Susan."

Please review!

I hope that I will take a little less time to update the next chapter.

Until then..

TrueLoveNeverDies!


	4. Chapter 4

_**Fear Kept Her Hidden**_

_**Chapter 4**_

_Caspian stop it. Susan isn't in Narnia. That woman probably just looked like her. I just have to get over her. _Caspian sighed. "The only problem is that i don't want to get over her, but i have to do what is right for my kingdom. Come on, Destrier, let's go home. there are decisions to be made." he got on his horse and rode off.

in the mean time, Susan was standing against the door of her little house, gasping for air. she had never run that hard in her entire life. She was so afraid that Caspian would follow her, that she kept running even when the pain in her lungs was telling her otherwise. him catching up with her wasn't an option in this matter. how could she face him after what she had done. she lay down on her couch and fell asleep.

_Susan was standing in the middle of a battle. in front of her she saw Peter. he was fighting a big black minotaur. the minotaur kept attacking Peter with his axe. Peter used his shield to block the attacks. she saw Caspian from the corner of her eye. she turned her gaze to him and he was fighting a black bear. then she saw Edmund who was battling against a dwarf. Peter, Edmund and Caspian were driven towards each other by their enemies. they were now standing in a tight circle with their backs towards each other. Susan looked behind them and there she saw a beautiful young woman. Susan felt slightly jealous when she saw her beauty. but then she realised that she looked a lot like the White Witch. she had the same almost white hair and the icy blue eyes. in her hands she saw The wond. the same wond that the white witch used to take the life from everything it touched, by turning them into stone. Susan wanted to warn her brothers and Caspian for the danger that was coming towards them, but no sound came out of her mouth. she started to run towards them, but before she had reached them, the woman swung her wond and on the place where her brothers and the man she loved stood, were now 3 stone statues. even as those statues, they still looked like true kings. Susan didn't lose hope, because Aslan would come and breath new life into them. just like in the golden age. but then she saw the minotaur, swinging his axe and landing it on the three statues. the stone broke into tiny pieces which fell into the soft grass. _

Susan screamed and sat up. when she realised where she was, she sighed in relief. she felt the dampness of tears on her cheeks and she wiped them away with her hand. "i have to warn them." she said. she got up from the couch, but immediately sat down again. "Wait, i can't warn them, because then they will see me. but i can't let them die because of that either." Susan sat there debating on what she was supposed to do. "I made my choice." Susan said out loud.

Caspian was looking in the mirror in his chamber. he stared at his reflection. "i don't have a choice in this matter, it's for the sake of the kingdom." he sighed and fixed his hair a little. "Here we go." he said and walked out of his room.  
In the throne room people from all over Narnia had gathered. they were all invited to the royal ball. "Presenting, King Caspian Of Narnia, High King Peter the Magnificent, King Edmund the Just and Queen Lucy the Valiant." the enouncer said. the big doors opened and everyone in the room bowed. in walked the four royals of Narnia. they walked towards the four thrones which stood at the end of the room. they sat down except 

for Peter. "Narnians, welcome to our celebration. so let the celebration begin!" he said with a loud and clear voice. music started playing.

Susan got out of the carriage. "Thank you Carlina, for coming with me. you are the best." "anytime, and besides you know that i am actually doing this for me right, so i can finally be introduced to that handsome brother of yours." Carlina said jokingly. "Oh right i forgot. my situation means nothing at all. silly me." Susan replied. "Come on drama queen, let's get this over with." carlina said laughing and she pushed Susan towards the entrance. Susan was wearing the dress that she made during the time she was in Narnia. it had a white underskirt and a bright pink overskirt which had a golden embroidery. she had a with corset with pink laces. she looked like queen Susan in that dress. and she felt like queen Susan too. it gave her courage.

Caspian stood up from his throne. Trumpkin signaled to the band to stop playing. "People of Narnia." Caspian began. "today Narnia is celebrating. Celebrating that our High King Peter, King Edmund and Queen Lucy have come back to us and we are glad to have them here." He turned around to look at the kings and queen. He continued. "I have some exciting news myself. Lady Medina, would you be so kind to come and join me up here?" a woman with almost white hair stood up. She had icy blue eyes and she had a shy look on her face. She smiled towards the people in the room. They had no idea what the king was going to say. "People of Narnia! I won't be able to rule over Narnia forever. and I can't rule alone. So I asked Lady Medina to be my wife." As soon as Caspian finished he heard Lucy scream. "Susan!"

Susan and Carlina walked into the castle. Susan knew with every vibre in her body which way she had to go to the throne room. When she stopped in front of the big doors she let out a big sigh. Carlina took her hands. "Su, look at me. You are going to be ok. We will walk through those doors and you can tell them everything. You will be fine." Susan looked up to her friend. "Thanks Car, you are right. Let's go." But when she started to open the door she heard the voice of Caspian. "… I asked Lady Medina to be my wife." Susan pushed open the doors and looked into the big room filled with Narnians. In front of the throne room she saw Peter, Edmund and Lucy sitting on their thrones. There was one empty throne between them. She was supposed to sit there. Then she saw Caspian. He was holding the hands of the woman from her dream. Her mind was spinning. She shook herself from her thoughts when she heard Lucy scream. "Susan!" immediately every head in the room was turned towards her. "Susan!" Lucy screamed again. Lucy stood up from her throne and ran to her sister. Peter and Edmund stood up aswell to get a better look at the woman in the back. "Sue!" they yelled at the same time. They ran after Lucy. Soon Susan had three pairs of arms around her. All she could do was cry. She cried and cried. The arms were removed from around her and she still stood there crying. She was crying of happiness that she was reunited with her siblings, she was crying for hiding so long, when she could have been happy with them at Cair Paravel. But she was also crying of sadness. Caspian was engaged. To another woman. At the moment she didn't think about her dream or who the woman could be. She just knew that someone else was going to take her place as queen next to the only man she had ever loved and she ever wanted to love. "Susan?" lucy asked softly. Susan looked at her sister. "Luce." Susan said with a shaky voice. "Luce, I am so sorry. I am so very sorry." And she broke down crying again. "Shhh, it's ok. Everything is ok." The siblings hugged again. "Sue, are you alright?" a small voice came from behind her. "Oh Carlina, I'm sorry. Yes I think I am. Guys, this is Carlina." Peter, Edmund and Lucy looked behind Susan. "She is my best 

friend." Peter was enchanted by the girl standing behind his sister. "Hello, it's a pleasure to meet you. I am High King Peter the Magnificent." He said while he gave her a kiss on the hand. "Still can't leave off the last part, huh Pete." Susan said jokingly. Peter looked down. "but you have just arrived in Narnia right, so how could you find a best friend in such a short time?" Lucy asked. Susan's cheeks turned crimson red. "well, actually.." she started, but never got a chance to finish, because from behind Lucy there a voice with a thick spanish accent said.

"Susan..?"

I am so sorry that it took so long to update, but I just started my new school and things have been crazy. Please review and advise is always welcome. I will try to update a little sooner next time.

xoxo


	5. Chapter 5

Okay, I am a very bad person for not updating in such a long time and I am sorry for that, I can not promise that I will update every week or so from now on, but I will definitely try to do it more regularly. I hope it was worth the wait and once again, I am very truly sorry.

"King Caspian" Susan said with a bow. "congratulations, I walked in just in time to hear the good news." She said with a fake smile and a breaking heart. Caspian looked at her confused. _Susan.. she is here, she is actually here. And she looks so beautiful. All those nights I lay awake, wondering if I would ever see her again.. but why is she being so formal. We are in love, she kissed me, I don't get it. oh no wait. Medina.. I am engaged, soon to be married. _

"Caspian?" a small voice said from behind him. Caspian turned around and saw the confused look on Medina's face. Before Caspian could speak, Susan started talking. "Congratulations miss, with your engagement. I trust you will take good care of Narnia and it's king." Susan said with another bow. "Thank you, and who are you if I may ask." "I am.." Susan started, but she was interrupted. "This is Queen Susan the Gentle of Narnia." Carlina said with a small smile on her face. "Queen..?" Medina asked. "That is right dear, queen Susan is the sister of king Peter, king Edmund and queen Lucy." Caspian explained. Susan looked at Caspian's face. _He is engaged. Did I mean nothing to him? Was I just a flirt for a few weeks? He meant the world to me, I changed so much because of him. _"I am sorry to have interrupted the festivities." Susan said while looking to the ground. "Su, you never interrupt. Without you it would not even be a real party." Peter said while wrapping his arm around her. "Thanks Pete, but I would really want to return to my house now." She replied. "What, Su of course not, you and Carlina have to stay here at the castle, if Caspian agrees of course." Lucy said. "Caspian..?" Edmund asked seeing the distant look on the face of Narnia's king. "Uh.. Uh.. of course you have to stay." He said after a while. "Thank you, Your Majesty, that is very kind of you." Susan said formally."Well, then I would like permission to retreat to my chamber, because I am very tired." She continued. "Oh Su, of course you probably had a tiring day, coming to Narnia again and all." Edmund said. "Well we shall have rooms prepared for you and Carlina." Caspian said, while signing to a servant.

Susan walked out of the door, after hugging her siblings one more time and wishing them good night. And Carlina quickly followed. "Su, wait!" she yelled after a running Susan. Susan fell to the ground and broke down crying. "Su, I am so sorry. This must be so terribly hard for you." Carlina said, while wrapping an arm around her best friend. "Car, he is going to marry her. He will have children with her. She is going to be his queen, ruling beside him and he will love her forever. I cannot stay here and watch him be happy with someone who is not me." Susan said while crying her heart out. "I know, I know. Let's just go to sleep for now and we will see how it goes in the morning. you and your siblings have enough to catch up on." "Thanks Car, I will see you in the morning. Good night." "Good night Su, try not to worry too much." Carlina replied with a worried look on her face. Susan smiled a small, fake smile before walking inside her room and closing the door behind her.

Caspian lay in his bed thinking about the past evening. He kept thinking about the Queen who had captured his heart. He remembered the exact moment he heard Lucy screaming her name and when he looked up and saw her. His heart started beating at an impossible rate and his mind went completely blank except for one single thought. _"Susan..!" _The name that haunted him for the time that she wasn't around. If he did not think about her during the day, he dreamt about her at night. He never forgot her, nor got over her. And now she finally returned to him. But now that she had, he got engaged. He could not break his vow to Medina. He proposed a few hours ago. He could not take his words back. He could not break her heart, not even if it would cost him his heart in return. With thoughts of Susan running through his mind, he fell into a deep sleep for the first time in a long time.

Susan on the other hand, lay awake. _They don't hate me, my dream was just out of fear, it's not real. Well Caspian may not hate me, but he certainly doesn't love me anymore. He is engaged now, Medina will be by his side as his queen, not me. No matter how much I want it or how many times I thought about that perfect image, it will never come true. I will have to find someone else to be happy with. "ow don't be silly, Susan. You can never be happy with anyone else, you know that!" _a voice in her head said. _I know I can never be happy with anyone else, but i'll just have to try! _Then she gasped and sat upright. "Medina.." she whispered, remembering the reason she came to the castle in the first place. _No that was just another dream, it probably doesn't mean anything. It is just that I don't like her for taking Caspian from me, but that is all. _"So now I'm jealous? Man, can I get anymore pathetic?" she sighed and laid back down again. She tossed and turned for the entire night, but she never fell asleep.

The next day Lucy ran through the castle towards her sisters room. She burst through the door without knocking and stopped dead in her tracks when she didn't see her sister. "Susan?" she asked in a small voice. She was so afraid that she dreamt the events of last evening and that her sister wasn't really back in Narnia. She walked towards the bathroom, but Susan wasn't there either. She walked to the balcony, but no Susan there. She spun around and ran out of the room. "Peter, Edmund!" she yelled panicked. She didn't look where she was going and ran into something, or rather someone. She hit the ground with a hard thud. "Lucy, I'm so sorry I did not look where I was going, I was lost in thought. Are you allright? Are you hurt." Lucy looked up into the worried face of Caspian. She didn't listen to what he said. "Caspian, Was Susan really here last night?" she whispered. Caspian looked at the little girl that was so mature for her age. "Yes Lucy, she was." He said with a small smile. "She really was." He added. Caspian thought about how beautiful the queen looked last night. How he had missed that beauty in the time she was absent. He also remembered the formal tone she used and he still couldn't figure out why she had treated him that way. They had been so much more than friends in the past, there was nothing different this time, right? Oh wait there is. Medina.. Caspian was shocked by his own thoughts. Susan was.. jealous? _No of course not. She wanted to forget about me. She is probably acting this way, because I am just a bad experience of her past._ He sighed. He trail of thought was broken by a small voice in front of him. "Caspian, if Sue was really here, why isn't she in her room then?" Lucy asked. "She is somewhere around here Lu, she has to be." Trying to convince himself more than the young queen. "Keep looking Lu, if I see her, I will send her to you." He added. "Thank you Caspian." Lucy said. Then she ran away, looking for her sister. Caspian smiled after her and made his way to the stables, to go for a ride on his horse.

Susan stood next to an empty castle. She looked at two trees that were twined together. She thought about how those trees had been seperated to make a way to another world. Then she looked towards the ground she was standing on. _This exact spot. This exact place._ She thought. She looked up to see Destrier eating some grass. She took Caspian's horse this morning to ride to the telmarine castle. She needed to think and she wanted to come here, to this special place.

"When I found his stable empty this morning, I never figured you would have stole Destrier." Susan heard a voice behind her. She gasped,but did not turn around. That voice. That smooth, once soothing voice. It made her weak in the knees, but she couldn't let him know that. She finally turned around. "Caspian.." she said softly. "I..I..mean Your Majesty." She looked to the ground, not able to stand to look at him, knowing that he would never belong to her. A tear escaping the corner of her eye. "Susan." Caspian whispered, much closer now. Susan looked up and was startled by the sudden closeness of him. She quickly regained her posture. "My king, let me once again congratulate you with your engagement." Caspian smiled when he heard her say the words 'my king.' _My king, how good it sounds when she says it. _Then his face fell when he thought of what she said after that. Susan noticed her mistake herself. "Uh.. I.. I.. didn't mean _My _king as in that uh.. you belong to me or something.. uh.. I just meant.." Caspian quickly broke of her rant. "I missed you, Susan." He said. Susan's heart skipped a beat. She looked down again. She didn't want to say the words, but her lips just started moving, forming the words. "I missed you too, so much more than you can imagine." Looking to the ground with tears leaking from her eyes, she felt a hand on her chin. Caspian gently pushed her head up, so that she would have to look at him. When she finally looked him in the eyes, he saw the hurt he felt, reflected in her eyes. He quickly brushed a tear away with his thumb that made it's way down her cheek. "trust me, I can imagine." He replied, while laying his hand on her cheek.

Owh.. I am even more evil for stopping here.. hihi

Reviews are always welcome!

xx


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